


Bad Santa

by plushiebird



Category: Fargo (2014)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Christmas, Established Relationship, M/M, Murder, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2843216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plushiebird/pseuds/plushiebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a gift for the mini Christmas Exchange we made in our lovely Wrenchers fandom <3. </p>
<p>Numbers and Wrench have to go undercover for a few days before Christmas in order to find a chance to kill an actor who's working as the Santa in a shopping mall at Denver. </p>
<p>A small christmas history in the style of our favorite hit-men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Santa

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ithinkwehitametaphor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithinkwehitametaphor/gifts).



> Happy Christmas to everyone!! This was written specially for ithinkwehitametapor.tumblr. She's know here because she is writing one of the most awesome wrenchers series; Erstwhile. . .
> 
> I want to say that I couldn't figure out what to write and then thisidea just popped into my head and I really really hope that you like it :). Please feel free to point out anything that you think needs to be improved.

In Christmas season, Fargo is on vacation not the syndicate you see; only the guy who runs it and thus de Aussie is the one who decides the hit men’s jobs and of course, being the teasing moron that he always is, he assigns a fairly simple but kind of long case to Wrench and Numbers, it’s in Denver, Colorado they have to interrogate and kill one actor, who had cheated Fargo a couple years ago taking a few pounds of cocaine and heroin saying he was going to be a distributor and then disappearing .

He reappeared in an article of this low grade entertainment magazine, the title being “Drug Scandal”, turns out that the guy had consumed all of the drug in record time, fucking up is career as an actor.

While Number is reading the file in the back of their parked Buick in the middle of nowhere in the road he wondered about how the man is still alive after that much of the drugs and after two years of Fargo searching for him, he certainly is not stupid but it didn’t matter really, he would be dead the second Wrench and Numbers found him.

There was only one thing, as always, that made the simple hit a long and complicated hit the said actor is now working as a Santa in a small shopping mall almost the entire day and they couldn’t just kill him in plain sight in front of the children who sat on his knees to ask for gifts. They would need to go undercover for over a week in order to know the guy’s schedule and kill him at the first chance they had, before de 24th.

Number sighs and after rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand he reads the special instructions.

  1.        They are undercover, Mr. Numbers code name is: _Hugo Burton who’s the person in charge of taking the photographs with the children and families who want to at the shopping mall._  Mr.Wrench is _Sam Pavel security guard in charge of the first floor, where the Santa will be._
  2.        They have to make out the complete daily schedule of their target, and when they see it convenient, take him and interrogate him in his house try to find out if there’s anything left of the drug he stole, torture him and kill him with a shot in the mouth.



Numbers raises and eyebrow as he reads a little note in a handwriting he recognized as the bosses one.  It says to make it quick but very painful, he stops reading and remembers and today is 12th of December, this bitch o a case s going to take over two weeks to solve.

“In the fucking cold”, he grumbles and just a he says it, Wrench comes opens the back door and signals him to make space for him to sit.

_“I can hear you bitching about the cold already “He_ signs and closes the door.

“ _No. You can’t, you are deaf”_ Numbers signs annoyingly and rolls his eyes.

Wrench wrinkles his nose and shrugs he leans closer and gives Numbers a quick kiss on the lips to stop him from getting all grumpy.

“ _You know I can keep you warm” He_ adds a wink to the sentence and watches Numbers’ frown go away. 

“ _So, undercover mission? “_

Numbers nods

_“It’s going to be fun. I love kids”_ Wrench signs with along with a sincere smile in his face.

Numbers smiles back and explain the whole situation to his partner, then he hands him the map to get going, they have to stop at the 121 mile to find a guy who will give them money, their fake ID’s and new clothes.

After an hour or so, they stop at mile 121 and walk towards a little man that immediately recognizes them, he clicks his tongue and turns around to grab a suit case, he hands Numbers a folder as Wrench grabs the suitcase and puts it inside their trunk.  The folder contains the fake ID’s that they will need he looks up to thank the man, but he just half smiles and shakes his hand with Numbers’. Back in the car, Numbers stares at the man as Wrench starts the car and after they have been driving for a few minutes, he taps Wrench shoulder to ask him about the dude they just met.

_“Why wasn’t he talking? Damn he just clicked his tongue and handed me a note, fucking weirdo. “_

_“He’s not weird, he just and unlucky son of a bitch, he used to be a hit man but then a hit went sour, he got tortured and he had to spill a few minor secrets of Fargo, still he managed to escape and warn the boss about the information he had  spilled, Fargo killed the enemies but still punished him by taking vocal cords out. “_

Wrench signed not facing Numbers; he knows that his partner is good enough to read him in that position, Numbers doesn’t answer for a while, so Wrench takes his eyes off the road for a second to watch his partner.

_“That’s wicked man, but. . .  fair enough I guess”_

Wrench shrugs and keeps on driving; it’s less than two hours to get to their new place, a small apartment in the downtown and he knows that Numbers is tired enough of being in the car, so he steps on the throttle of the car to get there more quickly.

Finally, they arrive at Denver and when Wrench pulls over in front of their building he has to shake Numbers’ shoulder, who’s dozing off in the passenger seat.

_“We are here; help me up with the stuff”_

Numbers huffs and Wrench can see his lips forming a curse as he opens the door and steps out into the street.

Wrench takes most of their luggage into their apartment, 203 that it’s in the second floor but thankfully the elevator is working and Numbers doesn’t get to complain about carrying their stuff through 4 sets of stairs.

He takes the keys out and the moment the door is open , Numbers is rushing inside throwing himself to the bed, landing like a starfish face first with his arms and legs extended and  taking over the whole bed, Wrench just rolls his eyes closes the door and starts opening their cases and taking their clothes out and placing them in the two little night stands  that stand at both sides of the bed.

It’s not much after all, Wrench just has one spare turtle neck, one black sweater, a pair of old t-shirts he uses to sleep,  two worn out jeans a pair of tennis to go with the boots he’s wearing now and of course a set of five boxers.

When he’s done and Numbers is still not moving from his spot in the bed, he chuckles and does his partners’ stuff too.

Numbers has a lot more to carry around, he has a perfectly bagged black suit, two pairs of nice shoes, the boots he’s wearing a long with three shirts (black, deep blue and white) two black jeans and their special coats.

He puts them all on a hook in the closet and he sits in the corner of the bed that Numbers’ is not occupying and taps his partner’s shoulder.

“ _Are you going to take a bath?”_

He signs when Numbers turn his head and opens his eyes enough to look at Wrench.

Numbers groans and turns around as he opens his eyes fully and makes space in the bed for Wrench to climb up properly.

“ _Is still a bit early for that, come and sleep with me”_

He signs lazily, sleep taking over him. Wrench smiles and takes off his jacket, belt, boots and socks are off to when he starts undoing Numbers’ boots and taking them off. Number lies on his back staring at Wrench, and he sighs comfortably when he feels Wrench weight above him the warmth for his partner’s body making him feel good and cozy, he closes his eyes as he searches blindly for Wrench’s lips with his own and then they are kissing very slowly, they lick each other’s mouths and keep kissing, feeling the soft and wet slide of their lips.  Numbers hands grip the front of Wrench’s turtle neck as his partner rubs and grips the hair in the back of his head and at the end of his chin.

They breathe in an out through their noses, not wanting to break the kiss too quickly.

Finally, Numbers makes a move and rolls them over so he’s the one lying on top of Wrench he then smirks and yells out loud “I’m taking the shower first!” before throwing one of the bed’s pillows to Wrench face and practically running towards the bathroom.

Wrench takes off the pillow from his face and rolls his eyes as he gets up from the bed and grabs the folder that contains their fake documents and the instructions for the job.

Their target name is Frank Prade he’s 32 and the only role he can still get is the singing and dancing Santa at the local shopping mall.

They have to be at the employee’s entry to the mall at 11:00 am in order to meet the link between Fargo and the Mall’s management.  Number’s position as the Santa  photographer  is to make a comfortable work relationship with their target while Wrench’s job as one security guard is to follow discreetly their target at every time of the day.

It was the kind of slow building job that Wrench preferred but he knew better than “liking” the case, he knew that even if the man had made the stupid decision of cheating on Fargo he was still smart enough to hide from the syndicate for over two years, the guy surely had grown eyes in the back of his head and would notice the presence of two brand new employees at the mall. If they stretched this mission too much, their target would start suspecting and run away. They had to kill him at the first chance they get.

Just as Wrench is closing the file and starting to undress, Numbers opens the bathroom door and steps put wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist, he doesn’t look at Wrench as he takes out one pair of boxers and one of Wrench old t-shirts and puts them on

Wrench shrugs and steps into the bathroom to take a quick shower, when he steps out of it he finds Numbers actually trimming his beard, cutting nearly half of its length and he doesn’t look really happy about it, Numbers catches his partners stare in the mirror and makes a questioning face.

“ _What’s up? Why are you doing that?”_ Wrench signs before starting to dry himself with his dry towel.

“ _Mall’s policy”_ He signs heavily and Wrench can see that he says it too, total resignation in the way he signs.

Wrench puts on his boxers and taps his partner’s shoulder

“ _You still look hot” He_ signs and that comment earns him a good night kiss.

[*]

Next morning at 11:00 am they are standing outside the employees entry in the basement of the mall’s building fully in character.

Numbers is wearing a brand new pair of black jeans with a white polo shirt, his scarf and a black jacket.  Wrench is beside him wearing a nicely fitted deep blue suit, with a white shirt and shiny shoes, thank fully for him he’s not supposed to wear a tie.

-          We are form Fargo - Numbers says calmly to the girl who is sitting at the tiny desk with the assistance checking books, most of them already filled out as the employees start their job at 9:00 am.

Her eyebrows rise and ten there’s a mildly panicked expression in her face as she picks up the phone and dials a four digit Numbers.

-          Good morning  madam, yes two big guys just arrived – he pauses talking for a second – one is in a suit and the other has a white polo shirt, madam –

Numbers raises and eyebrow at the “ _madam”_ apparently their link to Fargo is a lady. That’s not very common.

-Excuse me? Oh! Okay I’ll check- She mutters into the phone and then raises his eyes to Wrench ad Numbers’ face for a few seconds. – One has mutton chops and the other a full beard –

Wrench read lips that and stares in confusion at Numbers, his partner just flashes him the sign for “weird”.

She hangs up and stares at her desk before talking.

-          Right gentlemen, the manager will explain everything you need to know herself. She’ll meet you upstairs in a minute. – She pauses and with a hint of fear in her voice se finishes – Since you never worked here, you don’t have to fill any of the assistance books in here, just make your entry always from here. Okay? –

Numbers stares at her and then signs what she just said to Wrench, when he’s finished they both nod politely at her.

 -Thank you honey –

 Numbers’ says as they start to climb up the tiny metallic and gray stairs, their steps make and awful echo through the basement. Two sets of stairs later they reach a tiny white door, before they can knock the door is open and a tall woman steps out of it, she stares at them with murderous eyes she’s almost the same height as Numbers, she’s wearing tight jeans a pretty baby blue blouse, her eyes are big and dark and menacing her thin lips shine in angry red with the lipstick she just put on, no mascara.

-          So, which of you is the hearing one? - 

Her voice should be considered sweet, but since she spits out the question she sounds rude and vulgar. Numbers can see Wrench tightening his fist when he read lips what the woman just said.

-          I am – Numbers says gravely as he takes one step forward.

She stares at him from head to toe before talking in the same rude tone.

-          Good, now listen. I don’t want to know your name not even the fake one, the employees have instructions to not to talk to any of you, you shall only speak with the cashier next to your “ take a picture with Santa” booth and of course you can do whatever you like with your. . . target as I think you guys call him. I’m not getting any deeper into this pool of shit than I already am.-

She pauses and looks even more pissed off about the situation.

-          Your partner here will be given an access pass to all areas; he’s allowed to go around the mall as he needs. I think it’ll be easier for him not to speak with anyone – She smirks at that last comment -  Basically boys, just do your fucking job and do it quickly and please, don’t kill him inside my mall –

Numbers sighs

-          Are you done then? –

She scowls and nods.  Numbers takes another step forward and Wrench takes the hint and straightens up, looking more scary than usual. Numbers speaks up with a deep voice.

-          Good, then just give us those fucking passes and stop bitching around, we are professionals, and one more thing lady we will obey our bosses’ orders, not yours. –

The two hit men stare at her dead serious. The woman doesn’t look afraid if only a bit intimidated as she takes out of her pocket two cards and ands them to Numbers.

-          Thanks - Numbers says as the manager slams her door shut.

 

[*] 

Once in the first floor of the mall, Numbers explains briefly that they can only communicate at the end of the day or via text message. Wrench nods and goes off to take a “security” walk around the first floor, he has an easy job; being around looking intimidating so it’s like a normal day for him, with the difference that today and in the next few days he will be wearing a suit.

Numbers’ job on the other hand is to take pictures of over cheerful children and families as they pose side to side with Santa. Then he has to print the pictures and send the families to pay in the pay desk next to their booth.  It’s not that complicated but then again sometimes it gets a little bit crowded with little kids that want to crawl up Santa’s legs and tell him what they want for Christmas and about how well they behaved in the year.  Numbers is glad that he gets to do something that he likes, taking photographs but he soon realizes that the camera he has is a bitch and doesn’t have a Manual mode, so he’s frustrated by letting the camera do all of the work.

When he finally has the chance to talk to their target, there are only a couple of twins staring wide eyed at the standing Santa that is telling them to behave nicely and eat all of their vegetables in order to get their gifts, as soon as the kids are off to meet his parents, Numbers approaches to the huge red sofa.

-          Hey there Santa! – He says cheerfully, Santa turns around and laughs his classic Ho Ho Ho!

-          Hey! Camera man, finally you arrive huh? I thought we were never getting a photographer this year.  –

-          I’m kind of new in this business Santa - Numbers replies as he gets closer and then he lowers his volume, Santa gets the hint and sits heavily in the couch.

-          I get it man, it’s a temporary job – Santa says heavily – but hey, it’s a job right?  -

Numbers half smiles to him and nod politely, then he places his hand in front of Santa’s face.

-          I’m Hugo Nice to meet you Santa. What’s your name? –

Numbers can’t quite see the little smile that appears behind the thick fake beard and moustache that the man is wearing, but he knows it is there, he’s good at making people feel safe around him.

-          I’m Frank – Santa says giving Numbers a strong hand shake – Nice to meet you too –

Numbers smiles and retreats to his little desk where the employees have managed to bunch up a printer a computer and a little TV screen; he sits in his chair behind the desk and stares at Frank, who is talking with a young couple, the man with a baby in his arms.

-          It will be nicer to kill you -   He mutters under his breath.

[*]

Nine days have passed and the two hit men have already mapped out the guy’s life, it’s not like he does much anyway. He lives nearby in a new building with only two occupied apartments, his in the first floor and an elderly couple two floors above him.

He arrives at the mall at 9: 30 – 9:40 am in order to put on the Santa costume, glue his moustache and stuff like that. He is sitting at his couch and 10:30 every morning.

He and Numbers have their lunch hour from 2:00pm to 4:00pm, their target always takes his outfit off before eating his pre- ordered burger at the mall’s Mc Donald’s. (A Big Mac with regular fries and soda).

After eating and talking for awhile with “Hugo”, never speaking about anything to do with drugs or his past career as an actor, Numbers goes back to his little desk and Frank goes to put on the Santa suit again.

He has a little dance and sing show from 5:00 to 6:00 pm and then he spends the rest of this turn sitting at the huge sofa, talking to kids. 

Santa and Hugo are off at 8:00 pm. They go up to the dressing room for employees and Frank takes off the suit again, washes the makeup off his face and leaves.  Actually, Numbers gives him a ride home, apparently the guy trusted him enough from day one to tell him his exact address.

This meaning that they are completely alone from 9:00 pm to 9:20 pm. When Numbers says good bye to him, he goes up to his apartment and does nothing until he falls asleep.  The short hit men knows this because Frank himself told him, he mentioned something about not being able to spend too much work outside his “crib”,  he just goes out to work and to buy groceries and things like that.

_“He’s a lonely man”_ Number _s_ signs from the bed to Wrench, who is taking of his pants off.

“ _Well, he knows he’s being looked for”_ Wrench signs back and gets into the bed with only is boxers on and an old t-shirt.

_“He’s smart too, and jumpy. Yesterday he told me that the new security guy is way too quiet and suspicious looking, and that I should be careful with him. He was talking about you”_

Numbers finishes signing and laughs at the man’s ignorance.

_“What did you tell him?”_

_“That you aren’t menacing, just a fucking Yeti in a suit and that tomorrow I would give you a ride home too”_

Wrench blinks as he realizes the implications of what Numbers said. Numbers face is serious when he starts signing.

“ _He’s getting suspicious”_

_“We must kill him tomorrow”_

Numbers nods.

“ _What’s the plan?”_ Wrench asks

_“Everything will go normal, except that you won’t be at the mall the whole day. You will stay here and start packing up our stuff, when you are done put it in the back seat, not in the trunk. You have to be at the parking lot in the L8 aisle at 9:00 pm I’ve already talked with the manager, that part of the parking lot is going to be closed for the public, also the cameras will be turned off. Dress normally and wait for me there inside the car. I’ll be there with the spare keys, the moment the guy it’s in the car you knock him off him a hit in the back of his head with your gun.”_

_“He won’t check out the car to see if anyone is in it?”_

_“He stopped doing it three days ago, he’s lonely but he trusts easily on people”_

_“Right, so after we knock him out what? It’s too early to take him to his place and finish the job”_

_“Exactly, but since the parking lot will be a blind spot, we will stay there until 11:00 pm. Then we take him to his apartment, gag him up tie him to a chair, have the special treatment the boss want us to have with him and finally shoot a whole in the roof of his mouth. “_

_“What if he wakes up in the car before we arrive at his place?”_

_“Chloroform”_

Wrench stares at the fluent movements of his partners’ hands thinks about the plan for a second before answering back.

_“Easy peasy? “_ He signs with an incredulous look in his face.

Numbers takes a deep breath, he know that it won’t be as easy as it sounds.

“ _As taking a caramel from a baby”_

_[*]_

The next day everything goes smoothly as it can go, it’s the 22nd and seems like every child in the fucking city wants to take a picture with the Santa that already has a bullet next to his skull.

Thankfully, after the show the kids go away and Satan has enough time to rest and relax in his huge red sofa. Finally, when Numbers is waiting for Frank to take off his Santa suit he hears their target ask him something.

-          So, you are really taking the creepy guy with us tonight? –

-          Yeah  man, he’s good I can assure you, I’ve spoken to him, he’s cool-

Franks steps out of the dressing room and he looks worried, the bags under his eyes are now pretty obvious without the makeup he wore the whole day. He stares at Numbers with puppy eyes.

-          He’s safe. I swear – Numbers says and places his hand in the back of his _friend_ as they go down the five sets of stairs to the parking lot.

Frank is moving his hands nervously and Numbers wants to have a gun right now to kill him quickly and noisily but he can’t, they have specific instructions. Fortunately Frank is distracted enough to not notice Wrench in the back seat of the car, he stars at the floor worryingly as he opens the passenger door and steps into the car. He only has the chance to close the door when he feels something hit the back of his head twice and then he’s out.

[*]

When he comes back to reality he has a massive headache and a horrible an acute pain is thundering the back of his head. He looks around and recognizes his apartment, he recognizes the nice photographer he has been working with for almost two weeks and then it all clicks together.

The two new guys, one of them being extremely nice and the other one suspicious enough.  He sighs and stares at the ground; he closes his eyes and takes a few seconds to digest everything that is finally happening to him. He has waited for this moment for awhile, he knew what he was getting into when he contacted Fargo two years ago, one of the most infamous and dangerous man in the States, and yet he managed to escape for more than two years from his grasp.

Suddenly, the selfish proud he feels blooms from his chest and he raises his head to watch the two hit men standing in front of him, the security guard with a curved knife in his hand and his photographer friend with a black, fancy gun in his left hand.

-          They had to send their best agents to get me right? The man in question, Fargo, he’s not even here right? He’s a fucking coward sending his minions to do his job –

Numbers raises an eyebrow and gives Wrench their usual sign to go. A flick of his two of his fingers.  Wrench steps forward and stabs the man in back of his shoulder the curved tip of the knife peeking out of his clavicle, before he can scream Numbers cover his mouth with his gloved hand.

-          Actually kid, someone gave up your position, directly to Fargo   -

Numbers says as he retreats his hand, Wrench pulls the knife out of the man’s shoulder and steps back.  The man looks at Wrench and he sees something shift in those big green eyes, then the taller hit men leaves the knife in the kitchen table and starts making weird things with his hands.

Numbers can’t believe what Wrench is saying to him.

_“Come on, you can’t be serious”_ He answers back

_“You know he’s right, Fargo doesn’t even care to check if we did everything he told us to, the guy has suffered enough in these two years of escaping and fucking up his own life with the drugs”_

_“So what? We let him live? We can’t do that”_

_“We don’t have to torture him”_

Numbers stops signing to rub at his face with the heel of his right hand. Wrench is right, they could just shot e guy in the face and leave him to root inside his apartment. He is about to close his eyes in resignation when Wrench add something.

_“Plus, if we take our time with the torture we won’t be able to make it home for Christmas”_

When he’s finished Wrench makes the chuckled sound he makes when he’s about to start laughing.

“ _I really don’t want to arrive home on the 24 th with my jeans and shirt sticky with blood; I want to be there with you, have a nice take out dinner and sleep my ass off while you complain about the cold”_

Numbers feels awkward because this is not really a time for Wrench to get romantic, not when they are states away from home, when they a have guy tied up to a chair and said guy is bleeding out from his left shoulder.

_“Right then. Shall I do it then?”_

_“Yeah, try not to stain yourself with the brains ok?”_

Numbers makes a dismissive gesture with his hand as Wrench goes out through the front door of the apartment and shuts its close.

-          What the fuck just happened? –

Franks says the volume in his voice revealing fear and confusion.

-          What was all that about? –

Numbers checked the bullets in his gun and clicked his gun ready.  He steps forward and introduces the muzzle of his gun in the gaping mouth of the actor.

-          We decided to forgive you –

He says viciously before pulling the trigger, there are the sound of the gun and then the tiny splash of saliva and blood staining the floor and the opposite wall. Numbers retreats his gun and cleans it up with a cloth he always carries around.  He stares at the dead body of Frank; it looks like he’s just unconscious. The dark haired hit man sighs and turns around to grab the house keys and Wrench’s knife. He steps out of the apartment and closes the two locks in the door; he then keeps the keys and starts stepping down the stairs, instead of taking de elevator.

When he’s at ground level, Wrench is waiting for him in their Buick standing next to the passenger seat.

_“It’s your turn to drive”_ He signs when he spots Numbers.

Numbers smiles and walks straight to his partner, getting on the tip of his toes to steal a quick kiss.

_“Right. Let’s go I’m fucking freezing”_

Wrench holds Numbers hands in his for a few seconds before leaning down to kiss his partner properly. They separate and Numbers smiles as Wrench makes an all too familiar sign as they get into the car.

“ _I love you”._

**Author's Note:**

> Please have a wonderful night, and I give you all of my best wishes, kudos and comments would be my perfect gift for this christmas :).
> 
> *love and hugs to everyone*


End file.
